A Letter to Me in My Twenties

jandi

Dear child,

(And yes, you are a child.)

I can say with all confidence that you have no idea who you are. I think even you know that. You are all bound up by other people’s ropes. You drink too much. You compromise your values. You shut the door on God.

You seek your value from the opinions of strangers, people in bars, “friends” who will never know the real you because they will disappear once you leave drinking behind. And you will. Leave drinking behind.

For you it will just be a phase, albeit a powerful, life-changing one. For others you love, drinking will not be a phase. It will be nearly impossible for them to quit and that will very nearly destroy you.

You try to change people, help people, save people, but you lose yourself in the process. You have lost yourself.

You think you are not interesting. That your voice is drowned out by people who are stronger, more self-assured, more outgoing, more knowledgeable, more worldly, more talented, and funnier than you are. You are ridiculed for your quiet personality, so you take to alcohol to make you brave. But you, beautiful girl, are much stronger and more courageous than you know. You are about to find this out.

When you become a mother, you will have no idea what you are doing while simultaneously already knowing what to do. You will raise two incredible, gorgeous children. You will persevere in your marriage and you will love your husband beyond imagination. You will be their rock when the fragile world inside their walls crumbles. You will never give up. You will forgive the impossible.

You will find your passions again. This will be necessary so that you can definitively discard your masks and the secrets you hide. Your passions will polish the dull off your days and make the sun radiate again. Exploring the things you love will unearth your most authentic self, the person you were born to be.

Right now you are in the seed stage, surrounded on all sides by darkness. You think you are being crushed, suffocated, buried. But you were planted here and your growth is coming. Be patient.

You will find your way when you come to the end of yourself. You will find God there.

Your worth is not in the hands of someone else. It is not held by your teachers, classmates, friends, or boyfriends. It is not determined by your own worst criticisms of yourself. Your worth was established long ago by God.

You are God-designed.

Right now you have no idea where you are or how you got there. You wonder if you are making mistakes that will change the trajectory of your life. You question yourself at every turn: your decisions, how you look, your imperfections, your lack. But you are not lacking. You have everything you need. God has good for you. Believe that. Know that.

And you, precious soul, are exactly WHO you are supposed to be. You don’t have to worry about what the future has for you, if you will be enough. You will succeed against all odds, despite personal tragedy, and in spite, sometimes, of yourself.

You will. With God by your side, you cannot fail.

Chin up, beautiful girl. You have a fight coming, but you will survive. Don’t wear the veil of victimhood. You think you are meant to cower in the corner and exist unseen and unheard. But you are a warrior.

And you are about to roar.

-Future Me

me and jason

@faithinthemess by Melissa Neeb